Cowgirl Style, Black and Blue
by Kawaii Lockhart
Summary: When Faye finds Spike, Jet witnesses what love can drive a person to do. Black and Blue, a songfic.


Black and Blue: the death of faye  
by-Kawaii  
  
The air wasn't cold, but for some reason, I felt a strange coldness, creeping around me. Just what is this?? Where are you, Spike?.... I don't care if you don't care... but I just want to see you again... For some reason... I don't want that to be our last time seeing each other.. Spike...where are you??  
  
Fading everything to black and blue   
You look a lot like you   
  
After you left, I kept thinking of you. I kept thinking to myself, thinking I could forget you in a few days. Until I realized, I was more attached than anyone else there. I couldn't forget you...not in a few days, not in a few weeks...not in a few years. So tell me... what did you think when you walked away? What were your thoughts as you broke my heart without me knowing?  
  
Shatter in the blink of an eye   
You keep sailing right on through   
  
I don't want you to leave... I don't want things to change. They say I'm a woman with a soul of ice. I'm learning. I'm learning to care, and I didn't even know it. I got too attached to the wrong person. Spike... why couldn't you stop to think? Spike... Spike... Spike... please... can you hear me? Don't go.... if I matter to you at all... please... wait for me to find you... don't leave without me.  
  
Every time you say you're learning   
You just look a lot like me   
  
A sudden sound of a gunshot echoed through the hallway. Not knowing how to react anymore, I fell to the ground, hitting my head on the cement steps. I couldn't feel the pain. I couldn't feel my own heart beat. Am I even alive myself? I can't remember.   
  
Pale under the blistering sky   
  
Tears?.... is that what I've been hiding all my life?.... why can't I cry now? As I lay here, expecting to die, as I watch the red liquid flow, why can't I cry? Why can't I let myself die?  
  
White and red   
Black and blue   
  
I laid there, waiting for a second gunshot. It finally came. I felt nothing, but I heard a thud. Who would help me now? After I've lost everything? I struggled a bit with the spilling blood as I got up slowly. Leaning against the wall, I left a trail behind me up to the top.   
  
You've been waiting a long time   
You've been waiting a long time   
  
I could feel more death, more cold... I could feel people, laying there, all too stubborn to stop. Or maybe they couldn't. Spike... please. No... as I look down, barely, I can see him. It seemed that he was gone. He left without me, despite my cries for him to stay. Spike... how could you? break my heart... then crush the pieces.   
  
To fall down on your knees   
Cut your hands   
  
Giving in to the pain, the desire to be with him once again, I collapsed next to his body. Why didn't you wait?.... why didn't you let me see you again? Why didn't you let me cry for you? Just wait a little longer... I'll be there soon. Looking down at the red stains, I saw them grow larger. Spike... just wait...  
  
Cut yourself until you bleed   
Fall asleep next to me   
  
It wasnt' happening. The blood flowed continuously, but it would not happen. I could not die. Hands no longer shaking, heart no longer in doubt, I took his gun from his hands, and shot myself, shattering my heart once more, all over again.   
  
Wait for everyone to go away   
And in a dimly lit  
  
Falling to the ground, I placed my head on his chest, slowly feeling myself falling asleep. When I opened my eyes to see once more, I saw Jet. His face showing nothing, but his eyes giving away his every thought.  
  
room where you've got nothing to hide   
Say your goodbyes   
  
Bye, Jet. This is how I want it to be. This is how I want to leave. I want to be with him. Bye...everyone.... Faye Valentine has woken up from her dream... she's found reality.   
  
Tell yourself we'll read  
a note that says  
  
Jet.... how could I do what Spike had done? How could I leave him alone? Then again... I did. I guess... I'm just like him in so many ways. How could I let my only brother go alone? Sorry Jet... this is just how it goes.   
  
I'm sorry everyone   
I'm tired of feeling nothing goodbye  
  
Goodbye, memories. Where I go, you're no longer needed. The time I've used to try and find you... now I have to let you go. I'm leaving too. I'm not coming back. Tell the world for me, that I've shattered my heart, and woken up finally.   
  
Wash your face   
Dry your eyes   
  
As I closed my eyes, I let myself drift away. Spike... I'm coming. Wait for me... just this once. I'm pouring the truth out for you... listen... just this once..  
  
Cause you've been waiting a long time   
You've been waiting a long long time   
  
It's been so long, since I've felt the pain. Now I feel it so much. The pain of a broken heart, the pain of wounds I took for someone who hated me. I feel so much pain... is this why... I was so afraid to die? Because I didn't want to face all this pain I've kept hidden?  
  
To fall down on your knees   
Cut your hands   
  
Spike....  
  
Cut yourself until you bleed   
But fall asleep next to me   
  
Spike....  
  
Have a dream I'm falling down   
On my face  
  
Spike.....  
  
Scrape my knees   
Scrape my hands until they bleed   
  
Spike.... are you real? Is it really you? Is this really the you that I can finally hold and know is there? Spike...  
  
"Yeah. yeah, it's me."  
  
Cause you're fast asleep next to me   
Next to me 


End file.
